What was really going on in my head – authentic experiences with stroke, hemiparesis and brainstem cavernoma, my time in a wheelchair and the path to new strength.
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A rare brainstem cavernoma – deep inside the head. A spontaneous hemorrhage. The symptoms: like a severe stroke. Half-sided paralysis. Loss of speech. Loss of control over one's own body.
And yet, this is exactly where a journey back to life begins. This story is no hero's saga, no medical miracle. It's real. Raw. Courageous.
It's not about perfection. It's about progress. About dignity. About life.Learn More
Everything began with a business trip to Tokyo in January 2019. First symptoms appeared during a vacation in Mallorca in August 2019 - tongue twitching, numbness and later double vision. What initially seemed harmless developed into a life-threatening diagnosis: a rare brainstem cavernoma.
After initial examinations in a hospital in Mallorca and the return to Germany, transfer to a specialized center (University Hospital Essen) followed. A complex operation on the brainstem was necessary, with serious consequences: paralysis symptoms, breathing problems and loss of speech.
The confrontation with the sudden loss of control over one's own body, the experience of dependency and helplessness, but also the inner strength and conviction to come back. The former self-image as an "eagle" was replaced by the metaphor of a "roadkill bird" - a drastic but honest image of change.
A slow, arduous process of rehabilitation with small progress and setbacks. The importance of family and professional support becomes clear, as well as the focus on progress instead of perfection. It's not about becoming exactly the person you were before, but about regaining dignity and quality of life.
"And I can't even blink. My eyes stay open, always. I don't even have control over the muscles of my eyelids anymore. That means: even at night they stay open."
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"I am convinced that I have the strength. That I will feel better in three, four, five weeks. That my body will come back. That I will come back. That it's not over. That it's a beginning – even if it feels like the end."
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"It's easy to be strong on good days. But it's the dark ones where you discover your true strength. When no one is watching. When everything is quiet. And you keep going anyway."
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People who have been affected by a stroke or similar neurological conditions themselves and are looking for experience reports and inspiration.
Family members and friends of survivors who want to understand what their loved ones are going through and how they can provide support.
Doctors, therapists and nurses who want to gain an authentic insight into the patient's perspective.
People looking for inspiration and strength in difficult life situations and who want to learn from a true story.
Family Member
When my husband had his stroke, I was completely overwhelmed. The book helped me understand what he was going through. The honest words gave me courage and showed me how I could better support him. We are not alone on this journey.
Registered Nurse
After 15 years in neurology, I thought I knew everything about stroke patients.
The book showed me the other side. Experiencing the patient's perspective so authentically has changed my work. I understand my patients even better now.
I always thought this kind of thing only happened to other people.
To the older ones. The unhealthy ones. Those who don't take care of themselves.
Not to me.
I was fit, active, full of energy. Always in motion – physically and mentally.
But life doesn't stick to our expectations.
It comes as it comes. And sometimes it comes hard.
Suddenly everything was different.
My body, my daily life, my thinking, my feeling.
And so began a path I would never have chosen for myself – but one that has shaped me like few things before.
This book is not about complaining. It's also not a hero story.
It's an honest account.
Of days of doubt. Of moments of anger.
But also of much hope.
Of people who stood by my side.
If my journey, my failures, my getting back up – my pride in what I can do today – gives someone courage, then this book has served its purpose.
Because sometimes it helps to know that there's someone who knows what it feels like.
Discover Oliver Brandt's story and his path back to life after a life-changing health event.
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